


If I Cleaned Everything

by mokkeofthedead



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Canon deaths are mentioned, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied abuse, Possible Physical Abuse, Suicidal thoughts and actions, Vulnerability, final control room is mentioned, implied self harm, intrusive thoughts aren't described, its really up to your interpretation, techno and tommy arent related, techno has OCD, tommy has hallucinations and flashbacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:08:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28561083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mokkeofthedead/pseuds/mokkeofthedead
Summary: Tommys life under Technoblade's roof is starting to get better. However, recovery is a long process.title is from a Teen Suicide song
Comments: 1
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is all fictional! the majority of this is projection onto tommy and techno and my own headcanons. 
> 
> original draft was posted on my twitter

It had been a few weeks since Technoblade took Tommy under his wing and under his roof, the first few days were a blur of commotion and chaos- Tommy is not an easy person to keep under control.

One day they decide to go on a supply run after checking on Techno's 'hound army.' (lol)  
They walk for a long time, Tommy goes on and on about things that Techno can't really wrap his head around but just for a little while Techno cant hear the voices in his head over the sound of Tommys laughter. He says something about women and Techno laughs, for once in a long time his laugh isnt hollow and hes actually enjoying himself.

They don't think about L'Manburg or Dream or any of the danger they may face in the future, they dont think about their revenge agreement.  
For a while Tommy is just the guy that Technoblade's best friend raised, and Technoblade is just the guy that shelters Tommy.

When they get home, Techno takes off his armor but doesnt ask Tommy to. He can when he's ready.  
Techno goes to hand something to Tommy a little too fast and he flinches, not has hard as he used to though. Techno pulls back a little and waits for Tommy to reach out.

Later in the day Techno gives Tommy his own fur-lined cape since Tommy isnt used to living in the cold yet. Tommy never takes it off, he sleeps in it and doesnt even need a blanket anymore.  
He feels like hes a kid again playing superheros, he dreams of playing with tubbo by his side but he can't quite make out his face.


	2. Bad Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains explicit and non-explicit descriptions of self harm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains explicit and non-explicit descriptions of self harm, this is purely fictional and i am no way implying that Tommy or Techno do this in real life or that this would be their response to traumatic situations. 
> 
> If you are triggered or uncomfortable with any content presented please do not read.

Read notes and summary for warnings  
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During the first few weeks of Tommy's unexpected tenancy in Technoblade's home, he would take long walks around the biome. He didnt like being alone, it reminded him of Logstedshire and Dream. But this time was different.

During these walks he picked up rocks or anything he deemed sharp enough to drag across his skin, it disciplined him and he felt in control. It hurt, it reminded him of Dream but his mind told him it was for the best. He thinks Techno never found out but the blade noticed his sterile supplies and potions of healing he used for rehabilitating zombie villagers going missing.

After a while Dream stops lurking so close to the house and Tommy sleeps easier, Techno checks on him at night in his little cubby he made when he first got there. He never asked what Dream did to him but he didn't need to, he knew Dream had to pay. 

When Tommy's hallucinations and nightmares get bad he sits in the front yard with a jukebox and plays the discs he has left; The ones that don't matter as much. Techno watches from Carl's stable to give him enough space but to still make sure he's okay. One day Tommy comes inside and gives the older man all his items and armor out of habit, Techno reassures him that his things- and his life, are his own. 

On the days that the voices are too loud for Technoblade to breathe he locks himself in his bunker out of fear of hurting himself or more importantly, Tommy. While he's taking the time he needs, Tommy takes care of the blades farms and mobs. He takes inventory and even gets a few things for his business partner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im going to write a techno centric chapter next so this fic isnt 100% tommy lol


	3. Flightless Bird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy's pillars left long shadows but the president's shadow longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for past abuse , suicide attempts , self harm , angst and yelling

after the fall of l'manburg, tommy and tubbo stayed together as they were meant to. they sat in awkward silence in the rubble dubbed "l'manHole". faint, dry chuckles left their mouths as they thought of the name. 

"tubbo?" tommy broke the silence, it was a soft disturbance that echoed throughout the ruins of their country. 

"yes?"

"how are you.... so okay?  
after everything thats happened to you- to us... to our country?"

tubbo paused, unsure of what to say.

"i dont know. i was too busy being president I guess"

"too busy to notice i was gone" it was meant to be a question to tommy but it came out more as a reassurance to himself

"tommy, thats not what i meant and you know it."

"do i? you thought i was dead and didnt even bother to actually ask around to see if i had kicked the bucket. kicked my OWN bucket. tubbo, you thought i committed suicide and if im being honest i almost did. I ALMOST DID. do you know how much that fucking hurts? you didnt care, you didnt care enough to see if i was alive, you didnt care enough to visit me, you didnt care enough to help when YOU exiled me. the only one who cared was dream-"

tommy stops harshly, his breath leaving his chest. he stops breathing and squeezes his eyes shut, remembering the time he spent with the non-human entity. questions, threats, jokes and reminders fill his head so fast he gets dizzy: Tommy steps away from tubbo to catch his breath, he puts his hand to his mouth and the other arm around his stomach. he turns around and leans forward, letting out a quiet sob.

tubbo stays faced towards the newly carved abyss, not knowing what to say or how to say anything.

"i am a wreck. i am barely holding on by a thread and you have lived an entire life without me." Tommy chokes out, some words breaking into whispers.  
"FUCKING SAY SOMETHING!" tubbo jumps, the voice knocked out of him couldnt respond.

"tubbo please. i cant be alone anymore, i betrayed technoblade because i couldnt stand being away from you. youre my best friend, please tubbo please please please please"  
tommy turns again and moves towards the smaller brunette

"im sorry." a weak whisper falls from tubbos mouth, he feels as small as his words when he pulls tommy into a hug. his arms feel heavy as he clings to the one person who truely believes in him  
"im sorry too." the height difference between them makes them feel a million miles apart, in more metaphorical ways than one. 

theres voids in their chests that they try to fill with eachothers presence, even if they arent on the same page anymore its better to be together than to be on different psychical pages. they stand holding eachother in silence for longer than they can understand, tommy puts his head on tubbos and feels the softness of his hair. 

tubbo surrounds himself in how tommys arms hold him, the warmth he gives off and the familiarity it all has- yet its been years since he's been this warm. 

its good to be home.

tommys soft skin is riddled in healing scars and bruises, representing his spirit healing as well as his outside. his clothes patched with the distractions of the jokes and jester persona he displays, the voices in his head complimenting it. 

its good to be home.


End file.
